A once in a lifetime event... I smashed my teapot. No, just kidding, its... THE OLYMPICS!

Theeeeee oooollllllyyyyymmmmmmpiiiccccsssss areeeee heeeerrrreeeee!
OLLLYYYMMPIIICCCSSS!
Right here! In Britain! THE OLYMPICS!! In our very own London!
How amazing is that? Right here. Here!
The Olympics.
A "once in a lifetime event!"
THE OLYMPICS!

...

Um, just bear with me a minute...

"Laura, what are the Olympics?"

*

Ah, okay, okay I'm all caught up; The whole world clubbing together every 4 years for loads of sporting events, coming to Britain for the only time we may be around to see it... That really is quite exciting! Wowee!

This is all making a lot more sense now.

A month or so ago the Olympic Torch, on its journey from Greece, actually passed through our little town! Quite a momentous occasion for little St. Ives! The only problem was how early it was coming through, but on the upside it was being lit at the bottom of our road, so we could practically fall back into bed.

I was sleeping peacefully at the foot of Laura's bed when the alarm went crazy at half 6. We dragged ourselves out of bed and up to the end of the road, where we knocked on Laura's relative Nicky's house - who lives just in front of where the torch would be. Laura's Italian relatives were also there, and we had a wonderful breakfast together of tea and croissants, a rather lovely affair.

By the time the torch arrived it was drizzling with rain, so we grabbed our umbrellas and headed out onto the road. A parade of lit up buses floated past, blaring out various radio stations, closely followed by some police motorcyclists, and then, the 'awaited' moment.

The streets were absolutely littered with people! It was incredible, and very patriotic. Everywhere was again decorated with Union Flag bunting and Olympic flags (which I thought were just nifty art deco), and crowds gathered as the bus of Olympic Torch bearers arrived.

Now, we stood on the road and saw the audience cluttering around one area, and wandered: 'Hmm, I wonder what they're doing?' And carried on standing there with other confused people for a further 10 minutes before we realised, 'Oh, hang on, they're lighting the torch!'

We scuttled over and saw something like this:

The lighting of the Olympic Torch on it's travels through our humble little town

Then, off he ran, and that was it. The streets emptied; some people took the 2 minute walk into town where shops had opened early and the Corn Exchange was offering breakfast, and our little group headed back to the house.

I stood with Laura, and gave her a look.
"Wasn't that exciting?" She said with a grin.
"Was that it?"
"Yup."
"A man with a stick."
"Well, a burning stick."
"A stick."
"A golden, burning stick."
"With holes in it, isn't that a fire risk?"
"I think they have it figured out. C'mon Fox, it came alllllll the way from Greece!"
"Oh, that's pretty impressive!"
"Yep. They lit it from the sun using a parabolic mirror."
"Pardon?"
"Parabolic. Yup. I don't know either. But it sounds kinda impressive."

"So he runs to London now?"
"Nope, to the end of the road, to hand it to the next person. It's a relay."
"Oh, well thats dissappointing. Then what?"
"When it gets to London, they use it to light a big flame to symbolise the games."

It was about 7 or 8 in the morning, I had been involuntarily awake for 1 or 2 hours, and I had to leave my tea to come out and watch a man run with a stick. I thought of the mug of re-heated warmth glowing within the house, and just decided to ask about the whole 'games' and 'big flame' thing later.

These humans, so peculiar.

*

So the Games started on Friday night, with the opening ceremony. We all sat in the lounge to watch it in anticipation.

 I wasn't particularly sure what to expect. When they showed the stadium full of grass, hills, floating clouds, flowers, sheep, and a cottage in the centre with a smoking chimney, I must admit I wandered what on Earth we were watching. But actually, it turned out to be absolutely incredible.

Travelling through the history of Britain through visualness, it was remarkably well done. The grass was rolled away, and towering chimneys soared through blackened ground to symbolise the industrial revolution; The actors and actresses mining away, when a flurry of gold travels through the curving line they mine to form a ring. Four other rings hang above, and they unite to form the Olympic rings.

That, to the Great Ormond Street Hospital and NHS tribute, with lit up beds forming shapes, and then surrounded by terrifying nightmares. Progressing on to a hilarious act of Mr. Bean joining with 'Chariots of Fire', and the Queen jumping from a plane with James Bond. Then, on to the different eras of music by telling a cyber love story. At last, the teams from each country come through to the beat of drums.

I was doing very well, bearing in mind it only started at my bedtime (9pm), but I fell asleep when the alphabetical order reached the countries beginning with 'T', and awoke to people with wings flying around on bikes. Very bizarre.

Then, that footballing person David Beckham came through fireworks on a lit up boat, handed the holey fire stick to a famous Olympian, who ran through to the stadium and handed it to a young hopeful. Joined by a few other hopefuls, they ran through the stadium full of the teams and cheering fans with the torch in it's last stretch of the relay from Greece; flags from each country waving on a hill as they approached the cauldron.

Made of copper petals, one carried by each country as they entered, they held the flame against it and it caught, travelling amongst the copper. The petals lifted and met together, producing an incredible symbol of unity, and the most beautiful, (and only) representation of the cauldron I have ever seen.

To finish, the Queen opens the games.

I sat there, blinking rapidly, quite astonished.

It was like an incredibly bizarre dream that you tell people about, and they give you a look as if to say: 'Are you insane?'

But actually, I happen to love the quirky, confusing and astonishing; and found the whole thing pretty amazing.

I have been watching a few sports since, and am rather a fan of the diving in particular. I might even try out for it next time. I think my tail could make things quite streamlined, or I could use it to block out any errors I make on the somersaults.

Although, my fur does go very curly when its wet, and I'm not sure the world is ready to see that.

These games are actually quite good fun, I guess these humans do have some good ideas. Maybe I'll go back to my roots and start some Woodlandympics with the rabbits and shrews. They do love a good volleyball match.

Good luck team GB, and also team Italy! And best wishes to everybody else too!
Lets go get some chocolate coin necklaces! Yayyyyyyyyy!

                                                              

The Chris Moyles Show

Good morrrrrrning!

So, I never used to listen to the radio... partly because I used to live outside in the wild, and there were no radios there. But when I came to live with Laura, there were 2 stations she was glued to... Jazz FM whilst she painted for art exams, and Radio 1 in the mornings, for The Chris Moyles Show. She'd play their podcasts on repeat, and I just sat there, watching her laugh at the same jokes over and over, wandering why she liked it so much. But y'know, sitting there listening to Aled trying to remember the story of Goldilocks, and then the '3 Little Pigs', or as he calls it: 'The foundations story', I thought "Hey, this isn't too bad actually."

I plugged my iPod in and kicked back and listened to them natter quite often, and it was a nice comfort in the mornings, like waking up with friends. Then, one day, one day something amazing happened.

I filled out an application to go on their game at the end of the show, 'Carpark Catchphrase', and sent the form off, using the most elaborate and passionate description for the 'What are you usually doing between 9 and 10?' question possible. In a matter of hours, my phone rang from an Unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mr. Fox, this is Guy calling from Radio One about your application for Carpark Catchphrase!"

My knees turned to jelly and I squealed ecstatically, running over to Laura and jumping up and down in front of her. I chatted to the guy for a bit, and all seemed hopeful, until...

"Okay! So, are you up for being a phone-in contestant on Monday's show?"

My heart sank, but I held hope, "Oh darn! I have the dentist on Monday, and she's cleaning out a bit of melon that got stuck there last week, I really can't miss it... How about Tuesday?"

"Sorry, maybe try again when you're free?"
We said our goodbyes and hung up.

I hung my head in shame, so close, yet so very far.

*

A few weeks later I filled in the form again, with the exact same elaborate, passionate description, and sat staring at my phone.

It bleeped once, and I fell over a chair running for it, but it turned out the battery was low. There were no calls from Radio One.

*

A month or so later I filled in the form again, with the exact same elaborate, passionate description, and sat staring at my phone.

As if by magic, it rang:

"Hello, Mr. Fox? This is Mary from the Chris Moyles Show, just calling about your application to Carpark Catchphrase!"

My heart fluttered, I grinned enthusiastically... But, the disappointment from the last call and un-call still lingered, and I answered half heartedly to the questions they ask in the little audition to see if you are enthusiastic enough for the show. I was sad and it showed when, after the 5th awkward silence, she said: "Um, okay, well I'll be phoning the other applicants to see what they're like, and I'll call you back if you're chosen, okay?"

There was no call back.

*

A few months later, now an addicted listener of the podcasts, I was eating my cereal at the table, when emotive music sang from the radio, as Chris announced: "We're leaving the breakfast show."

I spat my cornflakes all over Laura, sitting opposite me. We exchanged glances, dropped our spoons and ran for the computer. This was it, it had to be it. I filled in the form again, with the exact same elaborate, passionate description, and sat staring at my phone. And by George I would get on that show in it's last few months!

I sped to the kitchen and ate half a bag of sugar (not advisable, kids, the Dentist didn't even give me a sticker after that) to make sure I was filled with energy for when the phone might possibly, possibly--

'Riiiiinnngggg! Riiinnngggg!'

I made a noise that was something like this: "EeeeaarrrgghhhhhhMAHAHAfleeeeeeeeeeheeeeheeeehehehe!!" and pressed the green button.

"Hello, Fox, this is Claire calling from The Chris Moyles Show about your application to play our new game!"
For the next 15 minutes, we chatted vigorously, and there were times when I even spoke over the top of her. I ploughed through the phone call filled with stories to tell from Wales, such as the humorous scene in a horror film that cracked us up for the rest of the film, the rice moment... everything went in - my hobbies, friends, what I'd eaten for breakfast... I cracked jokes and she laughed, and I tried to keep her laughing (they were probably from sympathy, but I chugged on anyway), until she said those magical words:

"So, Fox, how would you like to come on our show Monday morning!"

I made a noise that was something like this: "EeeeaarrrgghhhhhhMAHAHAfleeeeeeeeeeheeeeheeeehehehe!!" 

*

When Monday morning arrived, I sat on Laura's lap and again, stared at the phone, whilst her parents listened on the radio downstairs. Claire called 10 minutes before to check I was awake, and then, at last, it rang, and she put me on air.

"After the next song, the game will start, okay?"

The music twinkled out from the speakers until the moment came:
"And on line one, it's contestant number one! What's your name, and where do you come from?"

"My name's Fox, and I'm from St Iveeeesssss!"

Then, the moment I was waiting for - with Laura's ear pressed against the other side of the phone excitedly, we heard Chris Moyles' rugged voice at the end of our very own phone, closely followed by Dom, Dave, Aled and Tina.

Gotta say, it was one of the best, and most embarrassing 3 minutes of my life.

And that, my friends, is the story of the time when, 3 days ago, I was on the radio.

I was so excited afterwards, I got Laura to draw a picture of me and the team. She did it with just us at first, but I thought, y'know what, if I'm going to send this in, this needs to be extra cheesy, so in went the really corny words and it turned out something like this...