The Chris Moyles Show

Good morrrrrrning!

So, I never used to listen to the radio... partly because I used to live outside in the wild, and there were no radios there. But when I came to live with Laura, there were 2 stations she was glued to... Jazz FM whilst she painted for art exams, and Radio 1 in the mornings, for The Chris Moyles Show. She'd play their podcasts on repeat, and I just sat there, watching her laugh at the same jokes over and over, wandering why she liked it so much. But y'know, sitting there listening to Aled trying to remember the story of Goldilocks, and then the '3 Little Pigs', or as he calls it: 'The foundations story', I thought "Hey, this isn't too bad actually."

I plugged my iPod in and kicked back and listened to them natter quite often, and it was a nice comfort in the mornings, like waking up with friends. Then, one day, one day something amazing happened.

I filled out an application to go on their game at the end of the show, 'Carpark Catchphrase', and sent the form off, using the most elaborate and passionate description for the 'What are you usually doing between 9 and 10?' question possible. In a matter of hours, my phone rang from an Unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mr. Fox, this is Guy calling from Radio One about your application for Carpark Catchphrase!"

My knees turned to jelly and I squealed ecstatically, running over to Laura and jumping up and down in front of her. I chatted to the guy for a bit, and all seemed hopeful, until...

"Okay! So, are you up for being a phone-in contestant on Monday's show?"

My heart sank, but I held hope, "Oh darn! I have the dentist on Monday, and she's cleaning out a bit of melon that got stuck there last week, I really can't miss it... How about Tuesday?"

"Sorry, maybe try again when you're free?"
We said our goodbyes and hung up.

I hung my head in shame, so close, yet so very far.

*

A few weeks later I filled in the form again, with the exact same elaborate, passionate description, and sat staring at my phone.

It bleeped once, and I fell over a chair running for it, but it turned out the battery was low. There were no calls from Radio One.

*

A month or so later I filled in the form again, with the exact same elaborate, passionate description, and sat staring at my phone.

As if by magic, it rang:

"Hello, Mr. Fox? This is Mary from the Chris Moyles Show, just calling about your application to Carpark Catchphrase!"

My heart fluttered, I grinned enthusiastically... But, the disappointment from the last call and un-call still lingered, and I answered half heartedly to the questions they ask in the little audition to see if you are enthusiastic enough for the show. I was sad and it showed when, after the 5th awkward silence, she said: "Um, okay, well I'll be phoning the other applicants to see what they're like, and I'll call you back if you're chosen, okay?"

There was no call back.

*

A few months later, now an addicted listener of the podcasts, I was eating my cereal at the table, when emotive music sang from the radio, as Chris announced: "We're leaving the breakfast show."

I spat my cornflakes all over Laura, sitting opposite me. We exchanged glances, dropped our spoons and ran for the computer. This was it, it had to be it. I filled in the form again, with the exact same elaborate, passionate description, and sat staring at my phone. And by George I would get on that show in it's last few months!

I sped to the kitchen and ate half a bag of sugar (not advisable, kids, the Dentist didn't even give me a sticker after that) to make sure I was filled with energy for when the phone might possibly, possibly--

'Riiiiinnngggg! Riiinnngggg!'

I made a noise that was something like this: "EeeeaarrrgghhhhhhMAHAHAfleeeeeeeeeeheeeeheeeehehehe!!" and pressed the green button.

"Hello, Fox, this is Claire calling from The Chris Moyles Show about your application to play our new game!"
For the next 15 minutes, we chatted vigorously, and there were times when I even spoke over the top of her. I ploughed through the phone call filled with stories to tell from Wales, such as the humorous scene in a horror film that cracked us up for the rest of the film, the rice moment... everything went in - my hobbies, friends, what I'd eaten for breakfast... I cracked jokes and she laughed, and I tried to keep her laughing (they were probably from sympathy, but I chugged on anyway), until she said those magical words:

"So, Fox, how would you like to come on our show Monday morning!"

I made a noise that was something like this: "EeeeaarrrgghhhhhhMAHAHAfleeeeeeeeeeheeeeheeeehehehe!!" 

*

When Monday morning arrived, I sat on Laura's lap and again, stared at the phone, whilst her parents listened on the radio downstairs. Claire called 10 minutes before to check I was awake, and then, at last, it rang, and she put me on air.

"After the next song, the game will start, okay?"

The music twinkled out from the speakers until the moment came:
"And on line one, it's contestant number one! What's your name, and where do you come from?"

"My name's Fox, and I'm from St Iveeeesssss!"

Then, the moment I was waiting for - with Laura's ear pressed against the other side of the phone excitedly, we heard Chris Moyles' rugged voice at the end of our very own phone, closely followed by Dom, Dave, Aled and Tina.

Gotta say, it was one of the best, and most embarrassing 3 minutes of my life.

And that, my friends, is the story of the time when, 3 days ago, I was on the radio.

I was so excited afterwards, I got Laura to draw a picture of me and the team. She did it with just us at first, but I thought, y'know what, if I'm going to send this in, this needs to be extra cheesy, so in went the really corny words and it turned out something like this...